The One forming light and creating darkness, Causing well-being and creating calamity; I am the LORD who does all these. "Drip down, O heavens, from above, And let the clouds pour down righteousness; Let the earth open up and salvation bear fruit, And righteousness spring up with it. I, the LORD, have created it. "Woe to the one who quarrels with his Maker-- An earthenware vessel among the vessels of earth! Will the clay say to the potter, 'What are you doing?' Or the thing you are making say, 'He has no hands'? "Woe to him who says to a father, 'What are you begetting?' Or to a woman, 'To what are you giving birth?'" (Isaiah 45:7-10)

Today is the third day I've been resting, waiting for my back pain to subside so I can carry on with "normal" life activities.  Two days before that, I went about necessary chores and appointments with severe agony in each step and movement.  Why such pain in such a young body?  Why such depressing diagnoses and such dooming predictions for my physical future?  Is it all hopeless?  Is it all for nothing?  Can God really be glorified in me when I can't do anything but lie here feeling useless?  Am I going to live the rest of my physical life feeling worthless because I'm incapable of doing 'normal' tasks?  Will I ever have another day in this life without pain in one or more parts of my body?  Am I being disciplined for misplaced trust...thinking my only hope was in a doctor with a fancy machine?  These are some of the thoughts that have been plaguing my mind as of late. 

Today, God brought encouragement through the preaching of a gentleman named Paul Washer.  I was home from church, sad about not being able to worship with my usual church family, and Mr. Washer talked about how God uses unfavorable circumstances, and even ordains severely painful difficulties in the lives of Christians in order to conform them to the image of His holy Son.  God doesn't bring about deep heart changes in a person by making their life a bowl of cherries while they're on earth.  God doesn't bring about holiness in a person by keeping them 'happy' and 'comfortable' according to the world's standards.  God uses trial, pain, suffering, personal loss, and grief to bring about the changes necessary in our hearts and minds, that we may more aptly reflect the image of Him who died for us.  God brings both peace and calamity.  He can be the bringer of bliss and suffering.  He has good purposes for both. 

I know that God has good purposes for the degeneration of my intervertebral disks, herniations and bulges, the arthritis that is slowly crippling my spine, the tumor growing there that could possibly cause paralysis someday...all of it.  There is no need for my mind to race and jump to conclusions.  God is in control!  God has His divine reasons for bringing it all to pass.  Am I to grumble against my holy and perfect Father?  Am I to look at my situation through worldly glasses and feel despondent and hopeless?  Am I to rest in seeking worldly wisdom for ways to "solve" my "problems"? 

I'm thinking not.  My God has brought about this pain for the holy purpose of conforming me to the image of Christ.  God promises me in His Word that He has purposed to do just that.  He says, "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren..."  (Romans 8:28-29)  God is causing all things in my life, whether they be pleasant or painful, to work together for my good and to conform me to the image of my Savior, Jesus Christ.  Who knows how long this painful trial may last?  It's lasted 18 years so far and is growing worse with each passing month.  Maybe God will heal me.  Maybe He'll ordain that it gets worse.  The peace of Christ comes from knowing Him who controls what comes in my life and that He has good purposes and plans for all of it.  The pain in this fleshly body is completely controlled by the hand of Almighty God.  I can trust Him to give me exactly what I need to grow in the grace and knowledge of Christ. I can rest there.

So, though it be difficult at times for my flesh to endure, I thank God for all the difficulties and pains He has brought over the years, knowing that in the long run, they work to my benefit...making me more like His Son.  I pray that He will encourage my heart to embrace what He gives me and to fervently seek for Him to be glorified in my thoughts and attitude during painful times.  And, though God may sometimes use doctors to bring relief and healing to physical bodies, may I never put my trust and hope in any man, but in God alone.  If relief or healing comes, may my thanks and praise be directed only to the Great Physician Himself, who alone is God.